I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
