I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
