I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
