I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
