This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
