Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
