You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
