I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
