Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
