I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
