Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
