I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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