I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize