what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm like, not good at living.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
