he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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