she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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