the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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