I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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