I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
