I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize