When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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