before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
