just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
