i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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