dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
