I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
