My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
