I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
