Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
