I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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