remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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