White coat. Heels.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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