i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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