eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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