the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
