I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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