im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize