I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
