I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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