and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize