how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I pour the whiskey from now on
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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