I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
