I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize