I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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