My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
