I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize