There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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