I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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