Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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