I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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