I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
