I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
