There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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