we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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