But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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