You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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