some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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