This is not my ceiling
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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