hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize