normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
