you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
