Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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