I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
