he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
