So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
