I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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