I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize