just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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