Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
