Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This toilet bowl is my home.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
