My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You smell like stripper and shame
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
