Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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