I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
