how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
