oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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