eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
