i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
